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Showing posts with label Journal Entries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journal Entries. Show all posts
Saturday, December 26, 2009
IHOP onething
Heading to Kansas City tomorrow for the IHOP onething conference. But I am not really looking forward to the conference strangely enough. I am just thirsty for undivided attention and time with Jesus, so I am aiming to abide in the prayer room through most of the sessions. I may visit a teaching or two, but I do not see the use.
I realized that I am very good at gathering knowledge and redistributing teachings, but not too diligent with eating the Word and applying TRUTH.
It saddens me to even say it, but it is the hard truth, and my most recent 'epiphany'. So I am hoping to discipline myself in sitting at His feet, diving into the Word myself, and allowing God to prune me and provide revelation. I looong for consistency. I am a rushing wind being blown about by every doctrine and spiritual musing.. a young Peter, that has not yet learnt the importance of LIVING FILLED with the Holy Spirit.
I am a young disciple that KNOWS NOTHING, and am now happy to say that. For only in acknowledging my lack will I return to THE SOURCE and abide there until I have drank my fill.
Pray for me as I go.
MARANATHA.
Revelation 21:6
And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'm a Jack in the Box
Right now, I am a bag of emotions, so this may not be the best time to write a blog. But hey, I am at work and cannot pull out my physical journal... so I had to resort to the electrical one.
For the past two years since graduating from UF, I have had zero goals and vision for my life, except daily being faithful with finances, friendships and Father's sheep. I had no long-term plan. I heard nothing else, so I did nothing else -- not an easy task living in a college town with everyone receiving acheivements and visions of conquering the world.
I explored every nook and cranny of missions, careers, 'full-time' ministry, and the marketplace. I heard the full spectrum of advice including "wait", "go ahead and start something", "God gives you free choice" and "pray and fast more"... but I had no peace about stepping in any direction.
Saying this was a difficult season would be a severe understatement. But I must say God provided much grace and PEACE -- which was all I needed. The fact that I had peace was surprising even to me, and definitely the only thing that countered my bouts of frustration with feeling unaccomplished. Just looking back at this lets me know that God was happy with me exactly where I was.
But a new day is dawning.
Today I felt a flicker of passion and dissatisfaction rise up in me. Passion and dissatisfaction. Two words that have not graced my taste buds in awhile, but today I got a full portion of that manna -- and I am rejoicing like it's the first rains of a famine. Because it is.
Whereas passion and dissatisfaction do not mean EVERYTHING, they can form a reliable compass of God's hand-made calling on your life when combined with the Word and the Holy Spirit.
I will not spill too much. But let's just say I'm excited!! :-D
To quote a recent favorite artist:
"I'm ready to pop, I'm ready to drop, busting out this hole, and let the world know I'm a Jack in the Box.
Waiting for my Lord to crank my crank and expose me, present me righteous and holy, and let the world know...
I'm a Jack in the Box."
-Mali Music
References:
"I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me."
-Psalm 101:3
"At the cross-section of your sweet spot and this holy anguish you will probably find the signs of your calling."
-Pastor Mike
"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"
-Psalm 31:24
For the past two years since graduating from UF, I have had zero goals and vision for my life, except daily being faithful with finances, friendships and Father's sheep. I had no long-term plan. I heard nothing else, so I did nothing else -- not an easy task living in a college town with everyone receiving acheivements and visions of conquering the world.
I explored every nook and cranny of missions, careers, 'full-time' ministry, and the marketplace. I heard the full spectrum of advice including "wait", "go ahead and start something", "God gives you free choice" and "pray and fast more"... but I had no peace about stepping in any direction.
Saying this was a difficult season would be a severe understatement. But I must say God provided much grace and PEACE -- which was all I needed. The fact that I had peace was surprising even to me, and definitely the only thing that countered my bouts of frustration with feeling unaccomplished. Just looking back at this lets me know that God was happy with me exactly where I was.
But a new day is dawning.
Today I felt a flicker of passion and dissatisfaction rise up in me. Passion and dissatisfaction. Two words that have not graced my taste buds in awhile, but today I got a full portion of that manna -- and I am rejoicing like it's the first rains of a famine. Because it is.
Whereas passion and dissatisfaction do not mean EVERYTHING, they can form a reliable compass of God's hand-made calling on your life when combined with the Word and the Holy Spirit.
I will not spill too much. But let's just say I'm excited!! :-D
To quote a recent favorite artist:
"I'm ready to pop, I'm ready to drop, busting out this hole, and let the world know I'm a Jack in the Box.
Waiting for my Lord to crank my crank and expose me, present me righteous and holy, and let the world know...
I'm a Jack in the Box."
-Mali Music
References:
"I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me."
-Psalm 101:3
"At the cross-section of your sweet spot and this holy anguish you will probably find the signs of your calling."
-Pastor Mike
"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"
-Psalm 31:24
Monday, February 9, 2009
Why Do I Pursue Him
My Journal Entry for 9/27/08... Discovered it this morning (2/9/09) while Honeymooning with the Lord and wanted to record.. my first Youtube vid :-X
...uncombed hair, chapped lips and all, because I just crawled out of bed and turned on the camera.. so grace :-)
...uncombed hair, chapped lips and all, because I just crawled out of bed and turned on the camera.. so grace :-)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Modern Parable: 2 Kids - 1 Spoilt Brat - 0 Growth.
During a lengthened fast recently I got a revelation bigger than $10 million.
I didn't see it's value then, but more and more I'm realising God has given me a renewed set of lens with which to see my true spiritual conditions even clearer, and to thus improve my resulting actions.
Imagine you have 2 kids. One of them pretty much ignored, given a few morsels once a week, usually on a Sunday, maybe a few "treats" on other days, when you find "enough time" ..just enough to barely survive. The other, very spoilt, overfed, wasteful, comforted at the first sign of discomfort, bribed with gifts whenever a tantrum is thown, ego well-stroked, pride seldom-rebuked ... a rotten brat!
Now ladies and gentlemen, I am sure you're probably thinking along the lines "Not my kids! I would never raise kids like that... over my dead body!" And folks, that is exactly right! OVER.YOUR.DEAD.BODY these are kids you now have.. and nurture.. no need to imagine. Or more like, WITHIN your dead body maybe. But definitely portions of yourself, made in your image, given to you to steward. Drum roll please, as I present to you, your spirit, and your flesh.. in that exact order.
YES, the 2 children I described above are your very own spirit, and flesh, respectively. A scraggly emaciated spirit man, and a selfish, greedy, plump kid aka, your flesh. But it gets even better, the first child, your spirit nature, is only an infant... a malnutritioned one at that... yet a newly created being that was birthed with hope and destiny in it's eyes. The latter, is a professional and haughty mischief-maker, that began enslaving the newborn from day one to do it's bidding, and to exist only for it's benefit.... all this happening with your help and approval as the parent of the house. And even worse, you daily swear up and down to your friends that the first, the newly created toddler, is your favorite child, because of this child's lovely, quiet and gentle demeanor... while you daily watch it get oppressed by it's older sibling, and only turned your head.
Believers, I am not talking about the unsaved either. I am describing the 'church', the very disciples of God. I am describing myself.
Disciples, their is work to be done! Alot of disciplining/persecuting/crucifying of the flesh, that Christians seem to run from is allowing the flesh to run rampart with his luxurious lifestyle, high-maintenance desires, need for worldly entertainement and being fed constantly... and it has tied the hands of our very spirit man, because we have unconscioulsy sold our spirit man into slavery to it's sibling, by starving it's growth and living on milk alone.. but empowering the hand of the greedy, needy flesh which has forced our spirit man to bow in fear and subjection.
And then we wonder why no signs and wonders are being performed. Frankly, it's a joke, watching us pray and ask to perform MIGHTY WORKS in Jesus' name.... because our spirit man can barely stand up and fend for itself in it's own house.. our bodies, much less in the spiritual neighborhood outside.
Bretheren, disciples, let's get to work!
"No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (NIV)
--1 Cor 9:27
References (NKJV)
Galatians 4:29
But, as he who was born according to the flesh then persecuted him who was born according to the Spirit, even so it is now.
Romans 8:5
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
Romans 8:13
For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
1 Corinthians 5:5
deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
Romans 8:12
Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
I didn't see it's value then, but more and more I'm realising God has given me a renewed set of lens with which to see my true spiritual conditions even clearer, and to thus improve my resulting actions.
Imagine you have 2 kids. One of them pretty much ignored, given a few morsels once a week, usually on a Sunday, maybe a few "treats" on other days, when you find "enough time" ..just enough to barely survive. The other, very spoilt, overfed, wasteful, comforted at the first sign of discomfort, bribed with gifts whenever a tantrum is thown, ego well-stroked, pride seldom-rebuked ... a rotten brat!
Now ladies and gentlemen, I am sure you're probably thinking along the lines "Not my kids! I would never raise kids like that... over my dead body!" And folks, that is exactly right! OVER.YOUR.DEAD.BODY these are kids you now have.. and nurture.. no need to imagine. Or more like, WITHIN your dead body maybe. But definitely portions of yourself, made in your image, given to you to steward. Drum roll please, as I present to you, your spirit, and your flesh.. in that exact order.
YES, the 2 children I described above are your very own spirit, and flesh, respectively. A scraggly emaciated spirit man, and a selfish, greedy, plump kid aka, your flesh. But it gets even better, the first child, your spirit nature, is only an infant... a malnutritioned one at that... yet a newly created being that was birthed with hope and destiny in it's eyes. The latter, is a professional and haughty mischief-maker, that began enslaving the newborn from day one to do it's bidding, and to exist only for it's benefit.... all this happening with your help and approval as the parent of the house. And even worse, you daily swear up and down to your friends that the first, the newly created toddler, is your favorite child, because of this child's lovely, quiet and gentle demeanor... while you daily watch it get oppressed by it's older sibling, and only turned your head.
Believers, I am not talking about the unsaved either. I am describing the 'church', the very disciples of God. I am describing myself.
Disciples, their is work to be done! Alot of disciplining/persecuting/crucifying of the flesh, that Christians seem to run from is allowing the flesh to run rampart with his luxurious lifestyle, high-maintenance desires, need for worldly entertainement and being fed constantly... and it has tied the hands of our very spirit man, because we have unconscioulsy sold our spirit man into slavery to it's sibling, by starving it's growth and living on milk alone.. but empowering the hand of the greedy, needy flesh which has forced our spirit man to bow in fear and subjection.
And then we wonder why no signs and wonders are being performed. Frankly, it's a joke, watching us pray and ask to perform MIGHTY WORKS in Jesus' name.... because our spirit man can barely stand up and fend for itself in it's own house.. our bodies, much less in the spiritual neighborhood outside.
Bretheren, disciples, let's get to work!
"No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize." (NIV)
--1 Cor 9:27
References (NKJV)
Galatians 4:29
But, as he who was born according to the flesh then persecuted him who was born according to the Spirit, even so it is now.
Romans 8:5
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
Romans 8:13
For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
1 Corinthians 5:5
deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
Romans 8:12
Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
Monday, September 22, 2008
NO.SHALLOW.LOVE
God has bound himself to me
Despite my prostitution and harlotry
Like an anchor He has attached Himself to my heart
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
I relent.. because He is relentless
I give in.. because He gives all
I collapse.. because His love is too colossal to withstand
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
He will not settle for less of me
Nothing but the best He demands for me
And He KNOWS He is the best thing on the market
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
This love is fatal. This love is grave.
Pun intended. He was buried for my sake.
This love has overrun anything put in it’s way
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
He will have no shallow love.
------------------
References
Song of Solomon 8:6
[ THE Shulamite to Her Beloved ] Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.
Despite my prostitution and harlotry
Like an anchor He has attached Himself to my heart
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
I relent.. because He is relentless
I give in.. because He gives all
I collapse.. because His love is too colossal to withstand
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
He will not settle for less of me
Nothing but the best He demands for me
And He KNOWS He is the best thing on the market
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
This love is fatal. This love is grave.
Pun intended. He was buried for my sake.
This love has overrun anything put in it’s way
He plans to pull me in.
Deep.
He will have no shallow love.
------------------
References
Song of Solomon 8:6
[ THE Shulamite to Her Beloved ] Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Tide Is Coming!
Journal Entry 5/22/08
.. some of it at least, wanted to put a pic to it
(Influenced by CD of the week: Misty Edwards)
Don't want to build castles in the sand
When I've seen the work of others get swept up in the tide
Why make carvings in the sand
When obviously I see them disappear with each demanding wave
Why spend a lifetime on something the tide will wash away?
Why live for something that death will take away
Wake up O Sleepers
Open your eyes and look around!
See the traces of men gone... now nothing but withering sand mounts
Wade Out!
Go into the deep!
See how it comes for you anyway
Picks up men willingly or unwillingly
YES, the truth comes in to stir all things, & see what remains...
Wade Out!
Let's go into the Deep, the Truth
And search out it's depths
To find the treasures..
Buried.. waiting to be discovered
Sunken... waiting to be sought out..
Truth
Why live on the edge, in fragile sand
Excited that you are leaving a "mark" ...temporary footprint
I assure you, many have walked this very path you're on
Leaving 'deep' footprints, but alas, they disappeared along with their souls
The tide is coming
Yes, we've seen the waves, just HINTS of the tide's existence
But NO, I didn't say waves...
I said THE TIDE is coming
Coming to stir anything that can be stirred
Coming to erase anything foolishly stored in the sand of time's hourglass
Coming to sweep away anything not anchored on the Rock
Coming to destroy anything built with man's hands
The tide is coming
Bringing with it a monsoon
To end all foolish empires and "wisdom of man"
Yes, He will confound all intelligence
And nothing else will matter.. EXCEPT what is left standing
Only what was built on rock will remain
Why carve a masterpiece that the tide will only wash away?
Why spend a life for something that death can take away?
.. some of it at least, wanted to put a pic to it
(Influenced by CD of the week: Misty Edwards)
Don't want to build castles in the sand
When I've seen the work of others get swept up in the tide
Why make carvings in the sand
When obviously I see them disappear with each demanding wave
Why spend a lifetime on something the tide will wash away?
Why live for something that death will take away
Wake up O Sleepers
Open your eyes and look around!
See the traces of men gone... now nothing but withering sand mounts
Wade Out!
Go into the deep!
See how it comes for you anyway
Picks up men willingly or unwillingly
YES, the truth comes in to stir all things, & see what remains...
Wade Out!
Let's go into the Deep, the Truth
And search out it's depths
To find the treasures..
Buried.. waiting to be discovered
Sunken... waiting to be sought out..
Truth
Why live on the edge, in fragile sand
Excited that you are leaving a "mark" ...temporary footprint
I assure you, many have walked this very path you're on
Leaving 'deep' footprints, but alas, they disappeared along with their souls
The tide is coming
Yes, we've seen the waves, just HINTS of the tide's existence
But NO, I didn't say waves...
I said THE TIDE is coming
Coming to stir anything that can be stirred
Coming to erase anything foolishly stored in the sand of time's hourglass
Coming to sweep away anything not anchored on the Rock
Coming to destroy anything built with man's hands
The tide is coming
Bringing with it a monsoon
To end all foolish empires and "wisdom of man"
Yes, He will confound all intelligence
And nothing else will matter.. EXCEPT what is left standing
Only what was built on rock will remain
Why carve a masterpiece that the tide will only wash away?
Why spend a life for something that death can take away?
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Mixtape Release!!!!: CROSS+EYED
(lol, just kidding... Just posting one of my raps for my girl Gayon who hasn't heard me perform it yet.. but keeps hearing ppl talk about it..... sowwy :-)
"You got me cross-eyed
Living with my eyes WIDE open
No more 'American Dream'
& tryna live life by the way things 'seem'
From the way things seem
I'm straight up being deceived
The god of this age tryna puppeteer me
Nope!
Time to wake up!
Got my radars going up!
Got the scales coming down...
We wrestle not against flesh and blood
But with forces in high places up above
Got my armor on
Strapped up, girded loins
Ready to take on the fight
Gasping hard towards the prize
And it's best you get outta my way
Cuz I'm kinda far-sighted so my eyes don't stray
Yeah they may look strange
Yeah they may look glazed
I got a tunnel-vision focused on that glorious Day
I'm throwing off every weight
that tries to hinder my gaze
Dying to this world cuz the cross is my gain
The cross is my truth & the cross is my way
The cross is my boast & the cross is my shame
The cross is my burden & the cross is my blaze!
I STAND AMAZED!
YO! You got me cross-eyed!
(Heb 12:2)
"You got me cross-eyed
Living with my eyes WIDE open
No more 'American Dream'
& tryna live life by the way things 'seem'
From the way things seem
I'm straight up being deceived
The god of this age tryna puppeteer me
Nope!
Time to wake up!
Got my radars going up!
Got the scales coming down...
We wrestle not against flesh and blood
But with forces in high places up above
Got my armor on
Strapped up, girded loins
Ready to take on the fight
Gasping hard towards the prize
And it's best you get outta my way
Cuz I'm kinda far-sighted so my eyes don't stray
Yeah they may look strange
Yeah they may look glazed
I got a tunnel-vision focused on that glorious Day
I'm throwing off every weight
that tries to hinder my gaze
Dying to this world cuz the cross is my gain
The cross is my truth & the cross is my way
The cross is my boast & the cross is my shame
The cross is my burden & the cross is my blaze!
I STAND AMAZED!
YO! You got me cross-eyed!
(Heb 12:2)
