Right now, I am a bag of emotions, so this may not be the best time to write a blog. But hey, I am at work and cannot pull out my physical journal... so I had to resort to the electrical one.
For the past two years since graduating from UF, I have had zero goals and vision for my life, except daily being faithful with finances, friendships and Father's sheep. I had no long-term plan. I heard nothing else, so I did nothing else -- not an easy task living in a college town with everyone receiving acheivements and visions of conquering the world.
I explored every nook and cranny of missions, careers, 'full-time' ministry, and the marketplace. I heard the full spectrum of advice including "wait", "go ahead and start something", "God gives you free choice" and "pray and fast more"... but I had no peace about stepping in any direction.
Saying this was a difficult season would be a severe understatement. But I must say God provided much grace and PEACE -- which was all I needed. The fact that I had peace was surprising even to me, and definitely the only thing that countered my bouts of frustration with feeling unaccomplished. Just looking back at this lets me know that God was happy with me exactly where I was.
But a new day is dawning.
Today I felt a flicker of passion and dissatisfaction rise up in me. Passion and dissatisfaction. Two words that have not graced my taste buds in awhile, but today I got a full portion of that manna -- and I am rejoicing like it's the first rains of a famine. Because it is.
Whereas passion and dissatisfaction do not mean EVERYTHING, they can form a reliable compass of God's hand-made calling on your life when combined with the Word and the Holy Spirit.
I will not spill too much. But let's just say I'm excited!! :-D
To quote a recent favorite artist:
"I'm ready to pop, I'm ready to drop, busting out this hole, and let the world know I'm a Jack in the Box.
Waiting for my Lord to crank my crank and expose me, present me righteous and holy, and let the world know...
I'm a Jack in the Box."
-Mali Music
References:
"I will not set before my eyes
anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me."
-Psalm 101:3
"At the cross-section of your sweet spot and this holy anguish you will probably find the signs of your calling."
-Pastor Mike
"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the LORD!"
-Psalm 31:24
Recent Posts
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
My Life's Desire --- ONETHING
7 Verses that I want to shape my life:
1) "But ONETHING is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her."
--Luke 10:42
2) "Not that I have already attained this, or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But ONETHING I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead."
--Phil 3:12-13
3) "ONETHING have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple."
--Psalm 27:4
4) "Or else let these men themselves say what wrongdoing they found when I stood before the council, other than this ONETHING that I cried out while standing among them: 'It is with respect to the resurrection of the dead that I am on trial before you this day.'"
--Acts 24:20-21
5) "He answered, 'whether he is a sinner I do not know. ONETHING I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.'"
--John 9:25
6) "John answered , 'A person cannot receive ONETHING unless it is given him from heaven.'"
--John 3:27
7) "And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, 'You lack ONETHING: go sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come follow me.'"
--Mark 10:21
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Does God Find You Attractive?
Contrary to popular belief, God is NOT attracted to any and everything, not even if the name Christian is slapped on it. As people love to quote: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", and yes God beholds those things that are right in His eyes... and enjoys only those things. He is a gentleman with standards also. He doesn't degrade/ prostitute himself.. so He seeks out men and women that are pleasing in His sight -- His eyes -- His beholding -- His standard of beauty.
God is teaching me that He does not unequally yolk Himself, but only draws near to those who invite His Spirit and His Truth; so to love me, He must prune me (Rev 3:19). If I am to remain in His jealous gaze, I must remain in His refining fire (Deut 4:24). If I am to be His lover, all other lovers must be abandoned (Hosea 2:7,14,16). To please him, I must obey and allow Him to finish His work in me both "to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil 2:13).
And yes, to be noticed by God, I must come away from the crowd... I must come alone.
*smiles and runs off to be with my beloved...
REFERENCES and PROMISES
Numbers 23:9
For from the top of the rocks I see him, And from the hills I behold him; There! A people dwelling alone, Not reckoning itself among the nations.
2 Corinthians 5:9
Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.
(Whether I feel Him present or not, whether I'm seen by others or am in secret).
1 Thessalonians 2:4
But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts.
1 John 3:22
And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
Matthew 12:18“ Behold! My Servant whom I have chosen, My Beloved in whom My soul is well pleased! I will put My Spirit upon Him, And He will declare justice to the Gentiles.
John 8:29
And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him.
Romans 8:8
So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
1 Corinthians 7:32,34
But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord... There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.
2 Corinthians 12:10
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Ephesians 6:6
not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart,
1 Corinthians 14:1
you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.
God is teaching me that He does not unequally yolk Himself, but only draws near to those who invite His Spirit and His Truth; so to love me, He must prune me (Rev 3:19). If I am to remain in His jealous gaze, I must remain in His refining fire (Deut 4:24). If I am to be His lover, all other lovers must be abandoned (Hosea 2:7,14,16). To please him, I must obey and allow Him to finish His work in me both "to will and to do for His good pleasure" (Phil 2:13).
And yes, to be noticed by God, I must come away from the crowd... I must come alone.
*smiles and runs off to be with my beloved...
REFERENCES and PROMISES
Numbers 23:9
For from the top of the rocks I see him, And from the hills I behold him; There! A people dwelling alone, Not reckoning itself among the nations.
2 Corinthians 5:9
Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him.
(Whether I feel Him present or not, whether I'm seen by others or am in secret).
1 Thessalonians 2:4
But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts.
1 John 3:22
And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.
Matthew 12:18“ Behold! My Servant whom I have chosen, My Beloved in whom My soul is well pleased! I will put My Spirit upon Him, And He will declare justice to the Gentiles.
John 8:29
And He who sent Me is with Me. The Father has not left Me alone, for I always do those things that please Him.
Romans 8:8
So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
1 Corinthians 7:32,34
But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord... There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.
2 Corinthians 12:10
Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Ephesians 6:6
not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart,
1 Corinthians 14:1
you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; 2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Why Do I Pursue Him
My Journal Entry for 9/27/08... Discovered it this morning (2/9/09) while Honeymooning with the Lord and wanted to record.. my first Youtube vid :-X
...uncombed hair, chapped lips and all, because I just crawled out of bed and turned on the camera.. so grace :-)
...uncombed hair, chapped lips and all, because I just crawled out of bed and turned on the camera.. so grace :-)
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, December 18, 2008
MARRIAGE: the EXCEPTION, not the EXPECTATION?
Blog entry 12/14
1 Corinthians 7 – marriage was the EXCEPTION, not the rule. Staying single was the STANDARD expectation and exhortation spoken. Marriage was only suggested by Paul if there were “EXTREME CASES” where a man could not control his lusts. So if everyone is getting married (or desiring marriage) today, what does that say about our lusts (passions)… ? Mind you, like Paul cautions, if someone marries, it is NOT a sin. However, like he admonishes, “those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that”-1 Cor 7:28.
Paul is aware of the urgency of the times and just wants us running as hard as possible, as light as possible, to save as many as we can. God has offered the Kingdom to this world, but then states that the Kingdom is within us; thus, he has offered us to the world. Our life is no longer our own, so we cannot waste it on civilian affairs. LIVES ARE WAITING TO BE REDEEMED by the fragrance of Christ that God has placed in our earthen vessels. So my encouragement today is just the same as Paul’s, check to see where the urgency of your heart really is. Even though it is God’s pleasure to give us marriage if it is our heart’s desire, it says something about our spiritual character if we’re panting after “the troubles of marriage more than the suffering of missions.” Of course, I am preaching this to myself also. If you find yourself frequently consumed with the thoughts and desires of marriage, ask God to give you an increasing passion and burden for the least, lost, and lowly. You cannot change your heart, BUT YOU CAN PRAY to God who changes hearts :-)
I pray our hearts will be so ablaze for the Kingdom so that whether or not we marry, our lives, relationships, and children will be poured out for the sake of the cross alone… to the very last drop.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
p.s.*******THIS IS NOT AN ANTI-MARRIAGE NOTE (I MAY get married one day :-)
Monday, November 24, 2008
YES.. Jesus is my crutch.
If you pass someone stumbling, weak-bodied, and limping along on a crutch, would you taunt him, call him a pitiful handicapped, and proceed to yank the crutch from under his arm.? Most would answer no to this question.. but then do this very same act daily towards their Christian associates.
Many atheists, agnostics, pagans, neutrals and the like love to "enlighten" Christians by letting us know that our "Christianity is only a crutch for the weak".. needy.. foolish.... and to that I confidently respond, YES IT IS... and YES I AM.
Because, yes, I am that man. I am the weak, limping, stumbling leper in this walk of life. I am the retard who is a licensed professional at driving my life into obvious walls, off steep cliffs, and into dark waters with visible "do not feed the alligators" signs.. only to come out mauled EVERY SINGLE TIME; and with not just external losses mind you, but fatal internal injuries and shattered bones. Yes, I am that prideful handicap that cannot even stand, yet stubbornly pushes away all familial/loving support in an attempt to sprint off to my dream INDEPENDENTLY, believing "I can do anything I want if I just push myself hard enough".. and of course, FALLS FLAT on my back, PARALYSED no matter how many steps I managed to make forward. Yes, I am the terminally ill, who is foolish enough to think I will live a long life, and may even find immortality through my hard work and charity. *sighs*
It's really sad, I know.. but hey, the first step is realising I have a problem, and by golly I did, after discovering that my worsening shortness of breath was being caused by a hole in my heart (or spiritual PFO - it is congenital, meaning it’s a defect that exists from birth) [stroke.org].
I must say, it took a while to find help, since most kept offering me their blind, limited advice, or similarly broken bodies. Others were even confident enough to believe I could heal like they did by developing "self-improvement" habits. But it seems, I must have been a unique case, because I was broken beyond "self-repair". Others even assured me that "nothing is wrong with you, this is the norm for everyone". Thought all was lost, and even got depressed but got a wacko thought that saved my life-- "even a hi-tech robot is repaired by its creator", because only the developer would know the all the complex inherent factors that were hidden away behind the scenes. And thus the search began... and my physican was found... "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." --MArk 2:17
It seems being messed up wasn't "normal" after all.. just the norm around here :-) So yes, Jesus is my crutch, my meds, and my chemotherapy... my warm blanket, my bandaid, and my vitamins... my Healer, my Physician and my preventative treatment. YES, Jesus is my all. So now that I'm taking my meds (which is the only reason I look barely stable) I can keep up with you guys, who ARE NOT sick, and thus don't need a physician.. BUT, by golly, I still need my crutch.. take it away, and I am as dead as a doorpost... so please stop trying to yank it from under me. Thanks, I appreciate it :-)
REFERENCES
"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means,'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." --Matt 9:12-13
Song of Solomon 8:5
Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?
Luke 11:34
Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.
Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Many atheists, agnostics, pagans, neutrals and the like love to "enlighten" Christians by letting us know that our "Christianity is only a crutch for the weak".. needy.. foolish.... and to that I confidently respond, YES IT IS... and YES I AM.
Because, yes, I am that man. I am the weak, limping, stumbling leper in this walk of life. I am the retard who is a licensed professional at driving my life into obvious walls, off steep cliffs, and into dark waters with visible "do not feed the alligators" signs.. only to come out mauled EVERY SINGLE TIME; and with not just external losses mind you, but fatal internal injuries and shattered bones. Yes, I am that prideful handicap that cannot even stand, yet stubbornly pushes away all familial/loving support in an attempt to sprint off to my dream INDEPENDENTLY, believing "I can do anything I want if I just push myself hard enough".. and of course, FALLS FLAT on my back, PARALYSED no matter how many steps I managed to make forward. Yes, I am the terminally ill, who is foolish enough to think I will live a long life, and may even find immortality through my hard work and charity. *sighs*
It's really sad, I know.. but hey, the first step is realising I have a problem, and by golly I did, after discovering that my worsening shortness of breath was being caused by a hole in my heart (or spiritual PFO - it is congenital, meaning it’s a defect that exists from birth) [stroke.org].
I must say, it took a while to find help, since most kept offering me their blind, limited advice, or similarly broken bodies. Others were even confident enough to believe I could heal like they did by developing "self-improvement" habits. But it seems, I must have been a unique case, because I was broken beyond "self-repair". Others even assured me that "nothing is wrong with you, this is the norm for everyone". Thought all was lost, and even got depressed but got a wacko thought that saved my life-- "even a hi-tech robot is repaired by its creator", because only the developer would know the all the complex inherent factors that were hidden away behind the scenes. And thus the search began... and my physican was found... "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." --MArk 2:17
It seems being messed up wasn't "normal" after all.. just the norm around here :-) So yes, Jesus is my crutch, my meds, and my chemotherapy... my warm blanket, my bandaid, and my vitamins... my Healer, my Physician and my preventative treatment. YES, Jesus is my all. So now that I'm taking my meds (which is the only reason I look barely stable) I can keep up with you guys, who ARE NOT sick, and thus don't need a physician.. BUT, by golly, I still need my crutch.. take it away, and I am as dead as a doorpost... so please stop trying to yank it from under me. Thanks, I appreciate it :-)
REFERENCES
"Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means,'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." --Matt 9:12-13
Song of Solomon 8:5
Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved?
Luke 11:34
Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness.
Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Friday, November 21, 2008
LOVE vs. GOD
LOVE is not god, GOD IS love.
Many will tell me that I just contradicted myself, but I did not.
Yesterday, after watching this video, and reading this blog, and countless others with the same theme, I was deeply moved. All being powerfully presented for the case of Love (vs. God -- or at least, the Judeo-Christian God which many are raising as their banner while fighting against homosexual marriages, truthfully or not).
And many all around the world are joining in with these defenders of Love & Charity, asking "Amidst all the evil being committed in the world, how can any human with a heart deny lovers their desire to be together forever? With heterosexual marriages having a less than 50% chance of survival, why deny homosexuals the flicker of a chance that they are asking for? How does granting them "holy matrimony" affect your flame, or your statistics (which are only getting worse and "less holy" with swingers and the like..)? How? Why? and Why do it in the name of your God who calls himself love? Do your God a favor and allow these people their chance at love, their piece of God." (phrases pulled from many blogs).
And man, was my heart moved by their plea. I broke into tears at my desk at work, my heart burdened with their thirst for love, for God - and saddened that we believe the path to God is love, not realising that the path to love is God. Society and the Devil have succeeded in intoxicating generations with this myth, and homosexuals are just one room in this gigantic house. The 18-yr old PK that becomes madly in love with her boyfriend, and is PERSUADED that since 'god is Love', she does not need to wait til marriage to "make love" to him. The 55-yr old church bishop who is not "in love" with his wife anymore, and is thus CONVINCED that the 'god of Love' wants him to divorce her and marry the church secretary whose spirit he has loved and admired for years now. The 39-yr old Bible-thumper who has been fighting to be redeemed from her homosexual past, but now, with her highschool sweetheart resurfacing and re-igniting 'a love that was undeniable', and being confident that "nothing can separate her from the Love of god, since we are all sinners saved by grace"... she is SURE of 3 things: She is a woman, a lesbian, and a Christian - and only the latter was her choice.
Yes, all 3 examples were "church people", because quite frankly, this commentary is not about homosexuals (whether homosexual marriages should be legalised will be another commentary) but about we, the Christians. We, the Christians, who deem these 'truths' to be "self-evident" and not "God-evident". We, the ones who not only run wild with our own "interpretations", but also quote 50 Scripture references to back up our beliefs, because we have taken God off the throne and instead put love in His place... and we did it all in the name of the Bible. Because, of course, the Bible says, "god is Love"; BUT I assure you the correct phrase is "God is love". Yes, love is the lowercase, because it is the lower in this court case.
And so the verdict is in, the FINAL RULING in the case of Love vs. God is that GOD IS love. God is my love. God is my only gate and source to love. All other persuasions, convictions, and confidants MUST BOW... only His rulings will stand in my life. I love PEOPLE, but I don't love LOVE, I love GOD. God loves people but HATES FORNICATION, DIVORCE, and HOMOSEXUALITY the same way he hates LIES, LUST, AND MURDER because He knows the ultimate result of these carcinogens: HIDDEN SICKNESS, CANCER, DEATH. And I will leave myself at His mercy, because He is the Judge, and He has already ruled! It.is.written.
References:
The Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, so help me God.
1 John 4:8
1 Corinthians 6:8-10
1 Timothy 1:9-11
Many will tell me that I just contradicted myself, but I did not.
Yesterday, after watching this video, and reading this blog, and countless others with the same theme, I was deeply moved. All being powerfully presented for the case of Love (vs. God -- or at least, the Judeo-Christian God which many are raising as their banner while fighting against homosexual marriages, truthfully or not).
And many all around the world are joining in with these defenders of Love & Charity, asking "Amidst all the evil being committed in the world, how can any human with a heart deny lovers their desire to be together forever? With heterosexual marriages having a less than 50% chance of survival, why deny homosexuals the flicker of a chance that they are asking for? How does granting them "holy matrimony" affect your flame, or your statistics (which are only getting worse and "less holy" with swingers and the like..)? How? Why? and Why do it in the name of your God who calls himself love? Do your God a favor and allow these people their chance at love, their piece of God." (phrases pulled from many blogs).
And man, was my heart moved by their plea. I broke into tears at my desk at work, my heart burdened with their thirst for love, for God - and saddened that we believe the path to God is love, not realising that the path to love is God. Society and the Devil have succeeded in intoxicating generations with this myth, and homosexuals are just one room in this gigantic house. The 18-yr old PK that becomes madly in love with her boyfriend, and is PERSUADED that since 'god is Love', she does not need to wait til marriage to "make love" to him. The 55-yr old church bishop who is not "in love" with his wife anymore, and is thus CONVINCED that the 'god of Love' wants him to divorce her and marry the church secretary whose spirit he has loved and admired for years now. The 39-yr old Bible-thumper who has been fighting to be redeemed from her homosexual past, but now, with her highschool sweetheart resurfacing and re-igniting 'a love that was undeniable', and being confident that "nothing can separate her from the Love of god, since we are all sinners saved by grace"... she is SURE of 3 things: She is a woman, a lesbian, and a Christian - and only the latter was her choice.
Yes, all 3 examples were "church people", because quite frankly, this commentary is not about homosexuals (whether homosexual marriages should be legalised will be another commentary) but about we, the Christians. We, the Christians, who deem these 'truths' to be "self-evident" and not "God-evident". We, the ones who not only run wild with our own "interpretations", but also quote 50 Scripture references to back up our beliefs, because we have taken God off the throne and instead put love in His place... and we did it all in the name of the Bible. Because, of course, the Bible says, "god is Love"; BUT I assure you the correct phrase is "God is love". Yes, love is the lowercase, because it is the lower in this court case.
And so the verdict is in, the FINAL RULING in the case of Love vs. God is that GOD IS love. God is my love. God is my only gate and source to love. All other persuasions, convictions, and confidants MUST BOW... only His rulings will stand in my life. I love PEOPLE, but I don't love LOVE, I love GOD. God loves people but HATES FORNICATION, DIVORCE, and HOMOSEXUALITY the same way he hates LIES, LUST, AND MURDER because He knows the ultimate result of these carcinogens: HIDDEN SICKNESS, CANCER, DEATH. And I will leave myself at His mercy, because He is the Judge, and He has already ruled! It.is.written.
References:
The Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth, so help me God.
1 John 4:8
1 Corinthians 6:8-10
1 Timothy 1:9-11
